i feel like i'm starting to become a spendthrift...some people may thing this side of me is good...because i din spend on myself..instead i was most of the time giving people treats...now my ends do not meet...and savings are depleting...let's look on the bright side instead...next week i have guard duty on sat(24hr)..so i will only be out on sunday for a maximum of 12 hours...i won't have to spend so much next weekend...
i caught two movies this weekend..there was harold and kumar and vegas...harold and kumar is an extremely retarded show and that makes it super funny but i dun think it's very visual friendly..especially for girls..quite obsence i must say even though it's rated m18...quite lax..as for vegas...what hit me most is the guy not having the confidence in marriage...and he never bets on himself...his concept is that if you dun bet on yourself you won't have to lose or blame yourself is you lose...or another way of saying it is..you dun fight for it and you wouldn't fail...i some how see a part of me as this...if this answers your question...i doubt it does anyway...just some thoughts...i'm afraid so i treat the situation in a pretty detached manner...i know it's not right the way i treat this whole thing...but it's never easy...over the years i have guarded myself against being too emotionally attached to anything or anyone...my wrong thinking should be that i be loved before i love...perhaps i need to be beaten up...
there this other thing that i though of doing...i want to reach a stage where i'm both mentally and physically exhausted...i'm thinking..i may actually get killed doing this...and i haven had the chance to do so...maybe after guard duty this sat,i'll get physically active intensely...i hope i dun die...i may not be able to drive myself to that extent too...i just want to be so exhausted such that i can't think at all...and then have a really really deep sleep....would like to see what hits my brain first...
my parents finally extorted the truth out of my attached brother...cos he lied about going out to do project work..then lies to cover up lies...paper can't cover fire...so my parents got more suspicious...and also he din know how to cover his 'tracks'..he should have kept the two movie tickets somewhere else instead of his wallet..knowing that my mum puts his allowance directly into his wallet...wellz..he can't be blamed can he??he seldom uses his brain..and seldom thinks of the many possible senarios...this can be tiring...then again...there's this saying..quoted from vegas..'i'd rather do nothing and be happy than do something i dun like'...should be that...it speaks volumes on it's own...
now my insides are in turmoil...too many things are happening at the same time...it's not going to be easy balancing my life at this stage..the only solace i see is that i'm going to book in soon...and then i can just handle army life alone...it is coupled with its own set of problems...please do not think that i'm paid highly(compared to others) for doing nothing...i have my troubles, difficulties and complications...then again...when i get back out...all the other things that i have left behind may just be compounded to become more complex...i would definitely like to be able to talk things out with people...but there are just some things that has to be solved internally...
you know my previous posts...those about coming up with something big...they shall be put on hold indefinitely...until everything has been sorted out...i'm sorry for speaking in ambiguously and in riddles...only a handful of you will understand...but bear with me...i dun like being in this situation myself...
Willis Loy posted at 5/19/2008 07:31:00 PM |
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